‘Kalainishkov

menahun dan menahun. hebat sekali sekarang bisa menyanyikan dengan lega: jatuh cinta itu biasa saja

Jatuh cinta itu biasa saja
Kita berdua hanya berpegangan tangan
Tak perlu berpelukan
Kita berdua hanya saling bercerita
Tak perlu memuji

Ketika rindu, menggebu gebu, kita menunggu
Jatuh cinta itu biasa saja
Saat cemburu, kian membelenggu, cepat berlalu
Jatuh cinta itu biasa saja

Kita berdua tak pernah ucapkan maaf
Tapi saling mengerti
Kita berdua tak hanya menjalani cinta
Tapi menghidupi

Jika jatuh cinta itu buta
Berdua kita akan tersesat
Saling mencari di dalam gelap
Kedua mata kita gelap
Lalu hati kita gelap
Hati kita gelap
Lalu hati kita gelap

semuanya cepat-cepat. cepat-cepat semuanya.

psst. thanks bumi yang awal-awal mengenalkan saya ke lirik ERK ini.
cinta itu macam-macam cecapnya ya??

i grabbed two scoops of chocolate and strawberry ice cream at 23.50 last night. it was smooothhh, and without guilty. i dont care about hips-yang menggelambir-. i even thought that it was the ice-dream-cream plus cherry-yang manisnya minta ampun-.
i have to stick to: "gw-bisa-makan-apapun-kapanpun-gw-suka-and-i-dont-give-a-damn-care-about-it"
but last night, as i said that, honestly, i prayed to god, "aduh jangan hukum saya dengan menjadikan badan saya yang sudah begini jadi gendut, ya tuhan. saya nggak takabur kok karena badan yang cuma segini-segini saja meski makan banyaknya minta ampun. let it stay this way, please god"
OK, ice-dream-cream with a bit guilty, then.
that, when i remembered the french fries and some chocolate drink with all the wiped cream and liquid chocolate, went to my stomach before the ice-dream-cream. nyenyenye…..
ciihhhhhhhhh i still hate my self today.
im not in the mood for almost anything. not in the work, not for talks, not for meeting anyone else, except buying a pair of shoe!
UH, get up, you lazy ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

have you ever wondered how a small-tiny-sigle-things could effect you in a big-big way? well im wondering all this day.
i woke up late this morning, and its one of the things i hate and love the most. i have this garbage - cherry lips on my ipod singing "go baby go go.." all the way to office. so it was quiet well.
and blaaahhhh, bad news is a good news. or in my case, good news is a bad news. i actually planned to act normally. like: "ouyea? well, good for you. but naahhh, it wont effect me in anyway..so congrats.."
you must know, that i was trying sooo, so, hard to avoid this fucking tears to come down and ruin my make up. nahh, its my eye actually since i dont wear any make up, hhhh, *sigh*. but then thats the next thing happened. i was down to tears. and as the tears come down, i regreted it so bad and still i couldnt stop it. i was crying harder when they say its so small that i shouldnt argue it. and i felt like "ouyeah, eaaasssyyy for you to say. its me suffers it". by that time, i cried harder, "why i always keep this me in my fucking head? its always been ME, ME, ME! why didnt i see it from another side?? " i should re-think it before i did it, im no one, nothing, so i dont have any right, at all.
a friend of mine, lenny said that maybe im on my PMS period. but you know what? im bit tired of blaming my hormones for everything. its me, and yes, i started to blame my self. oooooohhhhhhh what a stupid me.
i become mellow all day.
and i mean, allllllll day.
i didnt feel semangat sama sekali waktu diajak produser diskusiin next episode. i hate the fact that im so nothing no one and i hate that i cant even control that hate-feeling a bit harder. so im the only one who knows.
by afternoon, i sms my mom’s friend buat membereskan sesuatu. i was quiet sure that it was polite, cos she repplied me well. but then she sms me with "skali lagi ibu minta maaf, ibu ingin ada keluarga kamu yang caci maki ibu, biar rasa bersalah ini sedikit mengurangi beban di hati ibu". i was like "HAAA?? what the heck did i do??" and you must know, i cried, again.
that, when im on my way to melly’s. and duran-duran was singing ordinary world. its in my ears:

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

and again,and again. i was down to tears. and i dont know why.
im tired of blaming hormones. but is it hormones? i think its me.
neurotic me.